Barnyard Voltron in RTR Limited

Before I get into what I did yesterday, here are some sample quotes about my deck from my opponents:  “Yeah, I guess that’s a card.” “Really?” “Oh God, this is embarrassing.” And here are my two defining quotes: “I am pretty sure that I built this wrong, but I don’t care.” “If you cant crush dreams with good cards, destroy them with bad cards.”

Now, it’s story time. I worked from 12-8 on Friday, came home, changed, threw some stuff in my bag, and was dropped off at the local gaming store by 9:00. We jumped in the car and headed south to Austin. We got there, and realized that everything was fully booked AND was obscenely expensive due to the F1 circuit opening there this weekend. We (4 grown men) slept in the car (an old sedan) in front of Pat’s Games’ parking lot. We woke up bright and early due mainly to the fact that it was approx 32 degrees and we were all incredibly uncomfortable. We headed over to the tournament venue, since the tournament is too big for Pat to host in her actual building.

That morning, we were all out of it after a pretty poor night’s sleep. My back was all wonky and  I spent a good portion of yesterday cracking it and trying to work the knot out of it. Fast-forward an hour or so, and the tournament begins. Since this is a Competitive level limited event, we do not get to play the cards we open, instead, you register what you open, and pass the product.

I open the most insane blue/green/white control deck. The rares included: Supreme Verdict x2, Martial Law, Growing Ranks, Grove of the Guardian, Precinct Captain, plus the generally awesome w/u/g commons and uncommons. Passing that was sad, since the deck pretty much built itself, but hey, I was not passing any money, and I might get a sweet pool.

Nope.

This is what I built with what was passed to me:

Precinct Captain
Righteous Authority
Teleportal
Trained Caracal (hereby referred to as Kitty)
Dispel
Sunspire Griffin
Runewing x2
Ethereal Armor
Pursuit of Flight x2
Frostburn Weird
Gore-House Chainwalker
Splatter Thug
Goblin Rally
Soulsworn Spirit
Tenement Crasher
Skyline Predator
Keening Apparition
Knightly Valor
Dramatic Rescue
Isperia’s Skywatch
Azorius Arrester
Transguild Promenade
Izzet Guildgate x2
Plains x6
Island x5
Mountain x3

Then these are the cards that I boarded in after seeing what my opp was doing game 1:
Pithing Needle (just for Vraska)
Electrickery
Traitorous Instinct
Cobblebrute

(And once I tried boarding in Stab Wound x2 and Swamp x2, but that was because he had real cards in his deck)

Then these are the 4 cards that I boarded in EVERY SINGLE GAME 2 and 3:
Kitty x2
Judge’s Familiar (hereby referred to as Derp Owl)
Pursuit of Flight

And… these are the rest of my cards:
Overgrown Tomb
Rest in Peace
Phantom General
Archweaver
Risen Sanctuary
Rubbleback Rhino
Korozda Monitor x2
Courser’s Accord
Common Bond
Brushstrider
Gatecreeper Vine
Giant Growth x3
Vitu-Ghazi Guildmage
Tower Drake
Rootborn Defenses
Golgari Keyrune
Tablet of the Guilds
Aquus Steed
Chronic Flooding (John LaPlant’s invitational card) x2
Crosstown Courier
Drainpipe Vermin
Perilous Shadow
Shrieking Affliction
Survey the Wreckage
Vandalblast
Horncaller’s Chant
Fall of the Gavel
Rakdos Charm
Search Warrant
Skull Rend
Sluiceway Scorpion
Trestle Troll
Rakdos Shred-Freak
Dreg Mangler x2
Goblin Electromancer
Tenement Crasher
Daggerdrome Imp
Grim Roustabout
Launch Party
Ogre Jailbreaker
Auger Spree

So yeah. That build was hard. I had like 60% of 3 different decks, and since I was not happy playing decks with only 18 actual playable cards, and after trying out 4 different iterations of the deck (Grixis Aggro became Jund, then became Junk tokens, then became Barnyard Voltron) I settled on playing derp creatures and putting suits on them. As I was sitting there, holding my head in my hands, I had to ask myself “How much derp do I want in this deck?” I eventually settled on only one maindeck derp creature, so that I could get a feel of their deck before really going all-in on Derp Owl and Kitty beat-down. Maybe that was wrong, I don’t know. I boarded out my double color spells to make my mana better games 2 and three.

The deck was so bad that I felt bad every time that I played a spell, but when your deck can actually do nothing for 5 turns, then stabilize behind a 2/2 and some enchantments after your opponent taps out… That’s some real power there…  And then post board you have the awesome draws of Kitty or Derp Owl into a turn 2 Pursuit of Flight, and you’re off to the races. </sarcasm>

My overall record yesterday was 6-2, and every opponent that I beat immediately dropped. One signed the drop slip “Meow” after laughing as I beat him down with stupid crap. I apologized to every opponent that I beat, shook their hands, and walked away with a slip, often signed 2-0.

The two decks that I lost to had real cards. One had 2 Skymark Rocs, and a pile of removal and the other had Jace + Mizzium Mortars, and a pile of removal.

The games I won consisted of jamming dorks into their face until they died from it. The MVPs over the course of the day were Knightly Valor, Pursuit of Flight, Skyline Predator, and Tenement Crasher. I think that the Crasher is better than Isperia’s Skywatch, but I wanted the Detain for getting in the final bits of damage. Teleportal and Righteous authority both won me 2 games. Dispel is also really good when you need to jam an enchantment into their open mana.

Here is a picture of this deck’s mana curve pre-boarding.

Image

~ by Andrew Couture on November 18, 2012.

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