Barnyard Voltron in RTR Limited
Before I get into what I did yesterday, here are some sample quotes about my deck from my opponents: “Yeah, I guess that’s a card.” “Really?” “Oh God, this is embarrassing.” And here are my two defining quotes: “I am pretty sure that I built this wrong, but I don’t care.” “If you cant crush dreams with good cards, destroy them with bad cards.”
Now, it’s story time. I worked from 12-8 on Friday, came home, changed, threw some stuff in my bag, and was dropped off at the local gaming store by 9:00. We jumped in the car and headed south to Austin. We got there, and realized that everything was fully booked AND was obscenely expensive due to the F1 circuit opening there this weekend. We (4 grown men) slept in the car (an old sedan) in front of Pat’s Games’ parking lot. We woke up bright and early due mainly to the fact that it was approx 32 degrees and we were all incredibly uncomfortable. We headed over to the tournament venue, since the tournament is too big for Pat to host in her actual building.
That morning, we were all out of it after a pretty poor night’s sleep. My back was all wonky and I spent a good portion of yesterday cracking it and trying to work the knot out of it. Fast-forward an hour or so, and the tournament begins. Since this is a Competitive level limited event, we do not get to play the cards we open, instead, you register what you open, and pass the product.
I open the most insane blue/green/white control deck. The rares included: Supreme Verdict x2, Martial Law, Growing Ranks, Grove of the Guardian, Precinct Captain, plus the generally awesome w/u/g commons and uncommons. Passing that was sad, since the deck pretty much built itself, but hey, I was not passing any money, and I might get a sweet pool.
This is what I built with what was passed to me:
Trained Caracal (hereby referred to as Kitty)
Pursuit of Flight x2
Izzet Guildgate x2
(And once I tried boarding in Stab Wound x2 and Swamp x2, but that was because he had real cards in his deck)
Then these are the 4 cards that I boarded in EVERY SINGLE GAME 2 and 3:
Judge’s Familiar (hereby referred to as Derp Owl)
Pursuit of Flight
And… these are the rest of my cards:
Rest in Peace
Korozda Monitor x2
Giant Growth x3
Tablet of the Guilds
Chronic Flooding (John LaPlant’s invitational card) x2
Survey the Wreckage
Fall of the Gavel
Dreg Mangler x2
So yeah. That build was hard. I had like 60% of 3 different decks, and since I was not happy playing decks with only 18 actual playable cards, and after trying out 4 different iterations of the deck (Grixis Aggro became Jund, then became Junk tokens, then became Barnyard Voltron) I settled on playing derp creatures and putting suits on them. As I was sitting there, holding my head in my hands, I had to ask myself “How much derp do I want in this deck?” I eventually settled on only one maindeck derp creature, so that I could get a feel of their deck before really going all-in on Derp Owl and Kitty beat-down. Maybe that was wrong, I don’t know. I boarded out my double color spells to make my mana better games 2 and three.
The deck was so bad that I felt bad every time that I played a spell, but when your deck can actually do nothing for 5 turns, then stabilize behind a 2/2 and some enchantments after your opponent taps out… That’s some real power there… And then post board you have the awesome draws of Kitty or Derp Owl into a turn 2 Pursuit of Flight, and you’re off to the races. </sarcasm>
My overall record yesterday was 6-2, and every opponent that I beat immediately dropped. One signed the drop slip “Meow” after laughing as I beat him down with stupid crap. I apologized to every opponent that I beat, shook their hands, and walked away with a slip, often signed 2-0.
The games I won consisted of jamming dorks into their face until they died from it. The MVPs over the course of the day were Knightly Valor, Pursuit of Flight, Skyline Predator, and Tenement Crasher. I think that the Crasher is better than Isperia’s Skywatch, but I wanted the Detain for getting in the final bits of damage. Teleportal and Righteous authority both won me 2 games. Dispel is also really good when you need to jam an enchantment into their open mana.
Here is a picture of this deck’s mana curve pre-boarding.